GIVING REAL LOVE TO YOUR CHILD

Source: paref.edu.ph

The outline is based on the Vatican’s Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality: Guidelines for Education within the Family. 

REASON: Why do I have to teach this? 

(1) Your child’s happiness depends on it. If training a child to read and write prepares for a good life, how much more training to love in a family! The great five-word conclusion of Harvard’s longest study is: Happiness is love. Full stop. 
(2) Your child is threatened by diabolical falsehoods. Porn access and a sex-crazed media promote seeing sex as a trivial toy and bodies as things to be used for selfish ends. 
(3) Porn is as addicting as heroin. Its use lowers academic performance. 
(4) Eternal life is at stake. Our Lady of Fatima in 1917 warned: More souls go to hell for sins of the flesh than for any other sin. 
(5) It’s your grave and joyful duty. No one else but you are ultimately accountable for your child’s education . So overcome your discomfort for the sake of your child. Remember: Only truth sets free!

CONTENT: What truths do I have to teach? (HLG-BS-CS) 

Truth 1: HAPPINESS only comes from true love. Not from selfishness. Selfishness only produces the sadness of guilt. God is love and he designed us to love God with all our heart, and to love others for God, as his greatest commandment states. God told parents to teach this commandment. We brim with supreme joy when we truly love. 

Truth 2: LOVE means willing the good of the other person and total self-giving. Not fleeting feelings. Not evil, animal instincts. Our love is true when we freely choose to love God and give our best for others, despite our unruly feelings and worldly pressure. 

Truth 3. GOD is the ultimate source of true love. Not our actions. The key to love, taught Pope Francis, is not our loving, but allowing ourselves to be loved by God. So let us center our life on the one truth behind all that exists: God loves us, died to save us and rose to give us his life. Making our minds revolve around Jesus’ loving deeds in Calvary is the secret to the sweet joy of life and our deep conversion from lust. This ultimate love of God for us is “made present” in Mass and in Confession, and so we frequently go to these sacraments. 

Truth 4: BODIES are persons (children, images and temples of God) to be reverenced, served and saved. Not objects to be used for selfish ends. A look of lust, taught Jesus, is “adultery in the heart”. Instead, thank God for the beauty of human bodies: “How lovely is your dwelling place, Lord Mighty God.” (Ps 84:1) , and see Jesus in them. 

Truth 5. SEX is a sacred gift that enables us to make a gift of ourselves and of immortal souls in marriage. Not a toy. Humans are incarnate spirits. So we express total self-giving love not just by our souls, but also by our bodies, and sexuality. 

Truth 6: CHASTITY is a joyful Yes to true love. It is pure love freed from selfishness through self-mastery. Not a negative. Since you cannot give a gift that you do not have, you have to master your body to be able to give it freely and help others. Chastity is intelligent leadership of our emotions and sexual urges. As we discipline our appetite intelligently by eating right to be healthy and fit, we channel our sexual urges to be able to give real, flourishing, joyful and faithful love to others. Unchastity, however, leads to dissipation and infidelity. 

Truth 7: SANCTITY is God’s design for man: to love God above self in a gift of ourselves in marriage or in apostolic celibacy. God meant sex to express total self-giving within marriage with two inseparable meanings. 

(1) Giving one’s bodily fertility to cooperate with God in generating a child: A new immortal spirit is an inestimable gift to the spouse (baby-making or procreative meaning of sex), 

(2) Giving one’s whole life until death (bonding or unitive meaning). Only the sacred covenant of the sacrament of marriage provides for the good of children (growth and education in a stable family), and the good of the spouses (total committed love). Thus, these are sins against God and self-destructive evils, for they go against our design to love God above self: 

1) masturbation – selfish self-seeking, not self-giving; 
2) fornication – no total, committed, life-long self-giving union, 
3) contraception – anti-procreative (= anti-good), a willful no to new humans, while natural family planning is moral: non-procreative, accepting nature’s rhythm. Contraception is a lie in the sexual language of total self-giving by willfully withholding fertility. 

Since sex means self-giving love, the greater vocation is celibacy. It gives up the great good of marriage for total self-giving union with God, Love Himself. Like Mary, it gives birth to a multitude of spiritual children. Parents are to support this calling with joy, as an immense honor, a sign of God’s predilection and particular affection for their family and values. 

PEDAGOGY: How and when do I teach? 

(1) Teach gradually—suited to their age and intelligence—and repeatedly. Use moments like pregnancy and birth. 
(2) Very important: Be ahead of the need and the bad influence of peers. 
(3) Have one-on-one friendly chats: dad with son, mom with daughter. 
(4) Build a home environment of growth in real love and moral virtue. 
(5) Train in the critical use of media. Protect from falsehoods. Check moral content of shows and movies (e.g., free CNS movie guide). Use computer filters (e.g. K9 Filter is free). 

Innocence (5 years old to age of puberty): Your child is at ease with the body, not interested in sex. 

(1) Protect their innocence. Give indirect formation on chastity, unless needed. Correct wrong information and bad habits. Teach modesty. 
(2) Develop virtues: teamwork, obedience, generosity, self-denial, reflection to control instincts (habit of reading); 
(3) For girls: Show the Virgin Mary as model of motherhood 
(4) For boys: Develop friendship with dad. Teach that masculinity means service and responsibility. Train in self-control over aggressiveness. No to machismo. 

Puberty: Your child discovers his inner world (deep questions, feelings of love, intense joys) and experiences sexual changes. More vulnerable to emotional influences. 

(1) Be more attentive. 
(2) Give detailed information ahead of peers about characteristics of both sexes and on sexual changes.
(3) Key moment to teach the value and the great joy of chastity, the dignity of marriage, and the liberating power of the moral law. Explain the conscience as the moral judgement of reason and God’s voice. Teach how to manage emotions. 
(4) For boys: Help them avoid erotic fantasies by teaching respect for women and the sacredness of procreation. 
(5) Correct trivialization of sex. 

Adolescence: thinking of future plans; more sexual problems emerge. 

(1) Model the beauty of fidelity in marriage and to God. 
(2) When needed, give serene explanation of morality. 
(3) In view of sexual problems, give spiritual advice to win over lust through prayer, centering the heart on God’s supreme love and healing in Christ Crucified, going to mass and also to confession to receive God’s mercy; and fleeing at once from temptations. 
(4) Warn that abuse of sexuality leads to loss of capacity for love and contempt for life (e.g. abortion). Warn against selfish self-seeking through masturbation. Exercise tough love: say no to sin. 
(5) Teach them to follow Christ above all within His plan for each. 
(6) Foster ideals of service with practical deeds, e.g. home chores. 
(7) Teach: one-on-one dating is only for discerning marriage. Supervise parties: parents are responsible for their teenage kids. 
(8) Cultivate a taste for what is beautiful and true. 
(9) Help avoid an excessive closing on in oneself. Teach: 90% of our problems come from thinking too much of ourselves. (St. Josemaria) 
(10) Teach them to go against the evil current trend of hedonism, and instead influence the environment with positive values, by realizing their social responsibility and their Christian mission to evangelize the world.

Source: paref.edu.ph